I read a substack newsletter a while ago, can’t remember who wrote it, that said to just write, stream of conscious style, no edits, at least occasionally, to practice getting words out. Another piece of advice from a book that I also can’t remember (seeing a theme here) about writing said that it takes 15 minutes of writing every day to begin healing. So, I’m setting a timer for 15 minutes, and we’ll see if I can combine the two.
All about efficiency. (ha)
//one//
We got a puppy! Was it planned? No. Was it unexpected? Also no.
We had talked about getting another dog at some point this year, because Lola left a gapping hole in our lives, the kids especially felt her absences and Roman would tear up just at the thought of having a dog in the house again. I’m not supposed to be on the internet, right? Well, I got on Facebook for something I also can’t remember (now it feels like a problem) and saw a friend of a friend post about boxer puppies. It took me .3 seconds to send a picture to John and that was that. I made a tiktok about it, because that’s what we do in 2023 when something interesting happens, yeah?
Meet Chloe.
Over the last year I’ve realized how poorly I respond to change. I like rhythm and routine and predictability, so I know exactly when I can be spontaneous and when I can’t. When we got the puppy, I thought we had some good routines in place, I didn’t feel like she would throw me into a spiral, but it happened anyway. Change is really good at showing me what I’m valuing (or worshipping), and it’s uncomfortable to look directly at a blind spot. In a lot of ways, having Chloe feels normal, because we have had a dog for 11 years, but she is a puppy, and puppies are messy, needy, and high maintenance. I didn’t realized how much just being needed by one more thing would stress me out.
//two//
Being stressed by Chloe’s needs made me take a hard look at what was consuming my time. Housework being the number one culprit. Do you remember when quarantine happened and everyone was like, my house has never been messier because we’re in it all the time? That’s normal for homeschoolers. Some mess you get used to, and even learn to enjoy, since mess usually means you’re doing a lot of life together. But sometimes, when you have anxiety induced OCD and use cleaning as a way to cope with PTSD and control issues, the mess makes everything feel so much harder.
Enter therapy (and a puppy).
I’m listening to the book Essentialism, and it’s pretty revolutionary. He makes the case that you can’t have more than one priority, by definition of the word. It wasn’t until the 70s/80s/90s (anther fact I can’t recall) that we started talking about our top 5 priorities, like that was even possible. It made me think, if someone looked at my life, what would they say was my priority? If you look at how I spend my days, you’d probably think that my number one priority is my home.
Gross.
I want my priority to be my family, and making a home for them is part of loving them well, but if I’m spending more of my time cleaning, then my priority isn’t family, it’s cleaning. Mental health does play into this a bit, so I’m giving myself some grace here, but I’m also asking myself some hard questions like What am I going to do today to intentionally love my people well? What am I going to say no to so I can say yes to reaching their hearts? What am I most frustrated about not having accomplished today? What did I do today that mattered? What did I do today that didn’t?
//three//
Greg McKeown (Essentialism author, looked that one up) referenced a TED talk where the speaker said something to the effect of if I don't say hell yes! to something, the answer is a clear no, meaning if he’s not totally 100% excited about this idea or project, he’s not going to do it. Saying no to the good ideas means he has space to say yes to the best ones.
I also listened to the book Take Back Your Family by Jeff Bethke this last week, and those ideas are still pretty fresh in my mind. It’s been interesting to listen to Essentialism directly after a family mission book, because in a lot of ways they fit together. Bethke’s argument is that family should be the priority, but not the nuclear family, a multi-generational family model that leaves a lasting legacy for your great great great grandkids. Bethke said that being on mission as a family is one of the ways we can make that happen, which naturally makes me ask what is our family’s mission? If someone looked at our family, what would they think our mission was? How do we spend our time? How can we live as a family on mission for something and still have the margin of an essentialist? What makes our family say “heck yes” and how can we lean more into that?
Bethke also talked about ancient systems and culture, which made me wonder, how much of what we struggle to do today is cultural specifically in regards to the church?
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